Learning to crochet was an absolute rollercoaster, thanks for asking

According to the one-minute clips that flooded my TikTok last summer, crocheting is a fun hobby you can do while watching TV. According to the trends currently dominating Instagram, I must have quirky and colorful woven sweaters, dresses made from the ever-iconic granny squares, and homemade bucket hats. So obviously I needed to crochet some stuff myself. And, uh, here’s how it happened.

THE PREREQUISITE

Ze supplies.

To start, I bought an obscene amount of yarn and a bunch of hooks (in crochet, you only use one hook at a time to make the loops and knots that eventually become a piece of clothing). Then I headed to YouTube and dried my eyeballs with hours of tutorials on basic sewing (single, double, half-double…). Subscribe to Kirrilalia and Ann’s Closet if you want to learn how to make them yourself or understand the distinctions between UK and US dot names (couldn’t mind the latter).

By the way, if you want to learn how to crochet yourself, here’s everything you’ll need: yarn, a crochet hook, scissors and a tape measure (not pictured above because she’s shy).

MONTH 1

baby wrapped in handmade crochet blanket

Hi Keanu 🙂

My first project: a soft baby blanket for my best friend, who was ~expecting~. (Spoiler alert, his bb is here now and he’s the cutest – ILY, Keanu!) It was supposed to be a rectangle, but let’s just say it turned out to be more trapezoidal. Luckily, Keanu doesn’t know his forms yet.

MONTH 2

Next, granny squares, then a crop top. Using knitwear from brands like Hope Macaulay and Lirika Matoshi as inspiration, I decided to color-block my creation. This one actually turned out to be relatively normal shaped (!) – it’s just too sideways to wear outside the house.

crochet granny square

My perfect granny square.

handmade crochet crop top in a color block pattern

The crop top.

MONTH 3

Because I’m nothing if not wildly ambitious, I decided it would be cool to make a cardigan. They take a long time to set up, but I gave myself a whole month. What could go wrong? Obviously something, because you may have noticed that the item I’m wearing in the photo below on the left looks more like a waistcoat or, as my editor noted, “a shawl with armholes.”

girl in homemade crochet vest

Look at my “cardigan!”

progress photo of someone crocheting

My vacation in a nutshell.

The truth is, there was no time for sleeves…or buttons…or frills. There was only time to endlessly sew the back and front panels together, forever and ever, amen. The good news is that now I know: Thick yarn = faster project. The skinny guy I bought = turning into Mrs. Weasley on my vacation and not finishing until 5am the morning of this photo shoot. I mean, I know I look happy and well rested, but LIE. Still, I will probably continue to crochet as soon as I recover from this slight trauma.

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